Wednesday, July 30, 2008

The Chronic.......

Why oh Why Did he drink Cappuchino?

That's the question I kept asking myself as I sat thru my regular dentist visit. I usually love the dentist, I never have cavities and my oral hygiene is always up to par. Today, my dentist wasn't there and I since I was just there for a regular cleaning, I went to his associate.

so I'm layin there in the seat, checking emails on my phone and he walks in. he already has the mask on, and we exchange salutations. he puts the suction thing in my mouth.. (NO HOMO, OH MY) LOL and begins the cleaning..... and then out of no where, something hits my nostrils....

WTF!!!! This nygga breath is on fire. Smelled like he ate Jack & The Shytstalk! OH MY! I close my eye and try to go to my happy place, cuz I know for the next 20 mins, I'm not gonna be happy.

Then he starts talking, now keep in mind, this dude has on a mask.... meaning it should be hitting him in the nostrils too....

What do you do when your DENTIST has Hallotosis (sp?) Man, I was so blown.... here I am taking advice from a nygga whose breath smelled like day old moose snot, and chipotle black n milds..

My day can only get better, RIGHT? LOL

Monday, July 28, 2008

Welcome to DC..........................

Wassup Folks, I know I been off the map for a minute, but I just wanted to bring you the latest installment of my random's vision is from the streets of NW DC...... Ahhhhhhhhh isn't summer time wonderful, the air, the heat, the humidity, the random acts of just flat out hoodness in our city. since when did it become ok to roll kids in a laundry cart?

I mean seriously, if youngin can stand, then youngin can walk. this little boy will probably grow up to live with his mother, sisters, brothers, cousins, nieces nephews, dad, & grand parents in a 3 bd room over in mt pleasant. once again, I blame the parents, not only is there no laundry associated with the cart, but they going on an excursion. LOL! atleast they weren't my people.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Ooooooooh Those AKA's!

Well as some of you know it's AKA Week here in the nation's capital. Thousands of Women have converged on my city for their Boule/Centennial........Short, tall, big, and small.... they are all here. They've had parties thrown by every male greek organization, and even those nasty nasty Miaka's are all over skee wee'n everywhere. The city has been painted pink n green.... BUT!!!! will these tourist bytches stop packing the metro and flooding the fuqqin streets. DAMMIT! I use the term "bytches" very loosely cuz I don't know them all by name. But I'm really tired of seeing these broads, they are everywhere like Brood X of them damn Cicadas! I swear this am on the train had to be the worst outbreak of AKA's ever. All heading down to their little march, old bitty's staring at me like I'm suppose to offer each one of you my seat at each stop.. No bytch, move to the center of the car. Then you got the Super AKA, the Neo who just happens to be from here, and has to tell all her SORORS when & where to go... On the train @7:45am. I think not! I'm glad you ladies are here but take your asses home please!

Friday, July 11, 2008

The New "ELECTRIC" Tiffany Ankle Bracelets......

So yeah EVERYDAY something new goes on during my train ride to or from largo station. Today was no different.... 1st there was the albino guy who stood about 6'8 with light purple pants on (couldn't get a good pic of that) but right after him stood the 6'3 female with the pink dress, black 4" heels, & a very special piece of flare! Her house arrest ankle Bracelet......

*see above*

Now, I've never been on house arrest, nor have I ever worn heels and a dress, but I don't think they go together. this chick never moved from that spot, nor did she notice, myself or the woman in front of me, taking pics of her as we read our newspaper and chatted about the sights on the train.

Would pants or maybe even a nice pair of slacks been more appropriate, or did she really see the need to let us know, she's a G! I don't know but dammit, we got to be more careful.......LOL!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

The Cable Guy

OK, this clip sparked this blog, listen to it, and then go from there.

Everyone has been subjected to some lame azz dude/chick and come on lines..... this has to go down as the lamest shyt ever. my question to you is..................

what's the lamest shyt you've ever heard......we've all given our number to someone we thought was harmless and next thing you know they hittin you with the cable guy..... you know the cable guy routine.

Call # 1 "hey it's me, met you the other day, thought you were cute, give me a call"

Call #2 (7 mins later) "hey it's me again, thought u called, I was in the bathroom, call me back"

Call #3 (4 mins after call # 2) "Hey, whatcha doin, call me back"

shyt now that i think about it, this lonely fuqqer may have even been you once a upon a time on the self esteem hwy. :-) either way, let's talk about it......LOL

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

The Llama Toe

You've got to be kidding me ladies...... wtf? I'm sorry most guys would be excited to see what i saw during my lunch break, but i'm offended. So let me tell you about this shyt. 2 coworkers and I were walking to the metro when we see, an escaped llama walkin towards us. it's one thing for your pants to be too tight, but the slit in the middle should not but up in ur crotch... u could actually see the pants up in the slit........I've never seen some shyt like this, I'm seen many a camel toe in my day but dammit, not at 11:30 am. you usually see the little bulge (not like a penis bulge) NO HOMO but you know what i mean, the little bulge that looks like the youngin may or may not have a maxi with wings on...LMAO! but nah this chick, had her shyt parted like Nas! looked like a hotdog roll split open. my coworkers looked at me and said "I know damn well, her pussy itching" lol...
Ladies, I know some of yall goin commando these days, shyt i commend you, if I could freeball everyday i would. But dammit... that's unacceptable. How would you like if I'm sitting on the train, and my whole package is on one side of my slacks......not fuqqin cute is it? exactly! then close ya twats.......

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Tha Skinny

I have no time to give an introduction.....I've got one basic question, what the hell is up with dudes wearing these tight ass jeans? I've been wanting to blog about this topic for weeks, I tried earlier, clicked submit, and myspace erased my shyt! then i was reading an article on some new rap group and realized they done came out with a song expressing exactly how I feel. check out these lyrics......
Take them tight-ass fuckin' clothes off
That shit ain't gangsta, nigga
We don't wear tight clothes . . . we let it hang!
. . . Shirt extra-small and you six feet tall
Lookin' like you got your pants off a Ken doll
Silk speedo cheetah-print Superman drawers . . .
. . . And what the fuck is this shit?
Rude boy rockin' Prada
Rhinestones on his collar
Cowboy belt buckle with a chain like a rocker
You forgot you was Rasta
You need to puff on the ganja. . . .
LMAO! these nyggas is SERIOUS about this...I just wanted to know why....I mean seriously tight ass jeans isn't hot, why a nygga wanna wear some sergios or some succos! lol..... come on slim...... I don't know any women who enjoy yeast infections, so why as a guy would you want to lower ur sperk count, by wearing some jeans that push your nuts up in ur stomach.... got people on the train looking at you, and instantly bustin out signing FALSETTO! he like OOOH OOOH BABY! IIII IIII III IIIII OOOH!
Help me understand what is so pleasing about this.... I was watching them coon ass BET Awards, and noticed even Rick Ross, ol chef lookin ass had his pants saggin! WTF? nygga u 310 lbs easy, how ur pants saggin? from boys to men, jeans were made to be in the following sizes....REGULAR, HUSKY, & BAGGY (MAYBE RELAXED)

if you see a nygga in the store buying some skinny, slim, straight leg, boot cut, or need I dare say LOW RISE jeans! PLEASE monkey stomp his punk ass.....I blame these video nyggas man, and the parents who allow they kids to watch these videos and buy these clothes....
My momma would've straight punched me in the face if my clothes were too tight, the most I think any NORMAL dude my age has ever done as a child is MAYBE wear some high waters.... (next fashion blog will include nyggas in the gov't wearing high water slacks...:-/..) fellas stay away from these dudes wearing these lycra spandex jeans n shyt.....

From The Archives....

So.... today i decided to take advantage of the hour lunch break the federal gov’t actually gives me to eat, and go outside of my office for lunch. I decided to eat at another gov’t bldg and dine in. LOL anyway, when I sat down I noticed a middle aged couple sitting down at the table directly in front of me. I sit down facing the tv which on mute but shows captions to read the news and eat my lunch. so as i’m ready I begin to hear the couples conversation.
Guy..... so, how long have you been single
That right there let me know they aren’t a couple, and this might be the infamous ice breaker lunch date. I continue to watch the tv, and observe the conversation. it immediately goes horribly wrong.. He begins to lay it on thick, now I know alot of women want a man to be honest, but this dude was brutal. Well I’ve been single for a few months. I’m ready to settle down, meet a nice woman *like You* and go out, go to church, enjoy each other, etc.... the dude was putting in work, which I commend, but it gets deeper. They exchange conversation, and he’s like I wanna get married, I’m ready to get married and settle down. Meet a nice girl *like you*.. yeah he plugging her all thru the conversation. so he continues. Have u ever been married? she say no... he says i’ve been married 4 times. (LMAO) and here’s where it gets interesting.
yeah I’ve been thru alot of different types of women, alcoholics, drugs, yeah I been clean for one year. but my 2nd ex wife she just likes to drink, she’s an alcoholic now :-/ and my 4th ex wife, she just wants to fuqq. i gotta be married to a nice woman *like you* before i have sex. the dude is just buggin from there on. i’m tryin to keep a straight face, because the lady has already increased her speed in finishing her food and is beginning to try and pack up to get away from this dude. he was like I don’t wanna have sex without being married. I wanna get with a nice woman from NC like you and then get married and have sex. so they continue talking and he says "what’s ur name again?" LMAO LMAO! LMAO! he sealed the deal right there, because she got up shaking her head.
NOW.......I wanna know....where do you set your boundaries for the 1st date and the conversation? I firmly believe most people send their representative for the 1st few dates. What does that mean, you ask? you know.... you’re the person you think that male or female wants you to be....u say all the right things, do all the right things, and basically don’t’ give them the part of you that let’s them know you’re a jerk or a complete bytch. ( no offense ladies) but seriously why do some folks go over board on dates.. I’m a true believer in just being yourself. I’ll tell anyone, I’m a great guy on paper, shyt I’m a great guy period, but I know I’m moody as hell, and sometimes I just wanna be left alone( I don’t usually say all of this this at first, but u get the idea). we all have issues, some more than others but in the end that’s what life is about, there are no perfect people, but there are people who strive to be perfect. Which one are you?
until later..

From The Archives....

So I was having a conversation with the Usual Suspectz and we ran across the topic of people dating outside of their boundaries. Now when I say boundaries, I'm talking anything, Race, Finances, Education, etc....
Now I'm not one for boundaries because I believe I can function quite well in any situation, that is presented to me, because of other life sitatuations i've been involved in, I've been given the ability to adapt to just about everything.
BUT! This question came up......
Can you SERIOUSLY date, marry, and/or be with someone who is FAR less Educated than you?
Now a DEGREE doesn't quite mean you're educated, it just means you were able to articulate your understanding of some knowledge that was presented to you at a certain time. but as a Ph.D Candidate, I wonder if I could truly be happy with someone with a G.E.D... This situation has never presented itself to me, but i wanna know your thoughts on it.
LOL, This just in........
IF they are educated and STILL act pretty ignorant, do you think its worth giving them a shot?
Do dumb dudes/chicks turn you on? or piss you off?

From The Archives....

In everything we do....this topic always comes up. Quality Vs. Quantity... especially in the bedroom.. LOL
Ladies, what you rather? the dude who can fuqq you ALL the time, but it's NOT that great, and you constantly have to put his dick back in, or make provisions to keep it up, and keep you happy.
or do you take the guy that CONSISTENTLY makes ur toes curl, makes u say and do shyt you've never done, but it's only once or twice a week.
Fellas, do u holla at the youngin, with the graveyard spray starch pussy, u know the one who just lays there and let's you bang her out and all she does is lay stiff but u can hit it 24/7
or do u take the woman with the completely off the wall sex... the chick that makes u bust that instant porn nut. the one who will sck ur dick from the back, and make u say her name.. BUT she's only able to give you some once or twice a week...


From The Archives....

so.... I'm having another conversation about women giving head and after last weeks topic, I had to come back and make things clear but bring up another point. it's not about taking it to the face, or swallowing, but you can NOT spit the shyt out on ya man.... I repeat do not spit it out on him. I'm talking about making the spit sound and everything, lol. PLEASE do that shyt in the bathroom... that's just plain rude ladies..
there's nothing worse than receiving some very good sloppy top top, and then right when u bout to bust off...she keeps going, but literally spits on you. wtf? *hahtooo* (spit sound) LOL..... if you nasty enough to keep going when it's cummin, u damn sure better hold that shyt til u get in the bathroom... (thanks B, lol)
Fellas, if you fortunate to make a woman cum from oral, spit it out on her, lol.... payback is a bytch

From The Archives....

Ok, this isn't one of my usual topics but I try to bring un-common conversation and thought provoking dialogue.. lol....this one is about tossing salads.. now I know there are tons of folks who don't do it, and I know it's alot more folks who have done it, and say they won't.. here's the ?
ladies...if you do it... how do you want your man's legs? lol....

fellas, for those of you who arent' sexually deprived.. if a chick is attempting to toss your salad? what are you gonna do? now I know dudes on myspace be fakin like shyt, so if you wanna just send me a note that's kool too. but seriously here are the 3 choices of which were in a conversation i've had.
legs up like a girl...(like little kids do when they rollin around) or like a girl may do if u hitting it right
legs up but bent (feet still on the bed)
on your stomach

and on ur hands and knees.

NOW, my biggest biggest issue is, I can't feel vulnerable during sex.. NEVER... so atleast 3 of those options are out for me...

I need to know your opinons and thought of chicks who toss salads. and fellas if u done ate some pussy, and the chick was a keeper, u done probably licked her ass, so this isn't time for faking.

From The Archives....

Well Folks, it's 2008, and what better way to start the year but with a blog about America's favorite hobby. No, not baseball, SEX!
What lengths have you gone through to get in a man or woman's pants?
When I ask this question, I'm talkin what have you done, LITERALLY!
I can think on one occasion, I was about to get it in with someone and she had a belt with a fastener I just couldn't get off, I mean no matter how hard i tried this shyt would not open, after a while, i was starting to lose focus, and getting frustrated. her only response was "if you want it bad enough, you'll get it, and I had to literally CUT her belt off....LOL! Lookin back on the occurrence the girl was really cool about it, and we laughed about the situation, but needless to say, I got it! LOL
So I ask YOU....what things have you done, MEN & WOMEN to get in the other person's pants?

Sex, Movies & Freaks

Well, I'm back with another controversial topic.....

How "freaky" do we want our mates to be?
Now everyone has a different version of the word "freak", and that's kool, but what is too much? I'm not into teaching in the bedroom, but I don't want someone who can teach me shyt either... have you ever been surprised by the thing your mate was willing to do to you? for example... u ever had a woman try to toss your salad OUT the blue? LOL or maybe she was a little too aggressive in tellin u where she wanted that nut that time...LOL
what about movies? are couple still making sex fun, by filming? personally I like to watch anyway, so i'm into mirrors, pics, and film... but that may be too much for folks.. I don't know. we all want ladies, in the street and freaks in the bed... but where does that freak line turn into potential smut...
Ladies.....what are you doing to make the sex better? are you being freaky? is ur man willing to try this and that?

Fellaz...what are you doing? you know, just by saying things differently in bed, u can change an entire NORMAL session...

Lemme hear what yall got to say

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Who in the hell left the gate open

Well, Well, Well............someone has given me access to a place where I can tell it like it is.......feel free to come by, take a load off and listen to what I have to say, and comment as you feel.