Well if not, take your w2's down to this fuqqery spot.......I know we're in a recession but gott damn black people......
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Why I'm Probably Not Gonna Ever Lose Weight in Gold's Gym
Well Well Fuqqin Well......I'm back...I know, I know, I said I was back a few months. My demise has been greatly exaggerated..... Anyway, a lot has been going on with me over the last few months, but either I don’t' remember it, or it's not enough to post about... BUT...I do have something.....I've gained a significant amount of weight since I don’t' know.....last year...and um...although, I can still fit all of my clothes...I've recently taken on the term of FAT BOY by some of my friends... Or Portis' stunt double etc.....FYI...all of you can kiss my entire ass...LOL so I decided GOTT DAMMIT enough is enough, picked up my gym bag and headed off to Gold's Gym....I've got a Govt discount and a membership is $15 monthly...so Yesterday was my 1st day back in the gym...I stroll in and headed to the locker room....as I just clear the locker room entryway...who do I see: Mr. I'm Not ghey, Mr. I'm Obese but I'm trying, Mr. I'm One Stamp away from winning the Publishers Clearing House aka Blue from Old school....
Immediately I know this is going to be a long hour.......
Anyway, I get to an open locker, change and head out to begin my workout....
I walk over to the treadmill.....got to get the heartbeat elevated and burn off a few calories to warm up.....I look over and Mr. I'm not ghey is on the elliptical machine.... now normally I guess that's cool... but something just seemed wrong.. He didn't seem to be focused.... his attention was off to the left... I continue running a little while longer and I see Mr. I'm obese but I'm trying working with the personal trainer... YEAH MAN, good for you. I salute you... Ok so cardio is done, and I walk over to begin my upper body workout... arms, back, chest, etc....Mr. Obese gets off the exercise mat, damn near in tears....(this could be interesting) he's exhausted I mean...She works hard for the money, flash dance soundtrack type of exhausted...His trainer who just happens to be 1/8 of his size and looks like she hasn't eaten a carb in 6 years says.... come on SUCK it up....at that EXACT moment...Mr. I'm not ghey pops out of no where like the butler on Mr. Deeds.... Just watching this Bammas crouch.....LOL! So I move to the next set of equipment, times goes on....and my workout is now done, I'm heading back to the locker room.... As soon as I walk in... Mr Obese Walks in about 2 mins behind me. then it happens... this nygga begins to get fully undressed and just walk around...weighing himself... he gets off the scale and proceed to take his fat ass in the Sauna (still naked) followed by ...........you guessed it......Mr. I'm not ghey....:-/ so by now, I’m thinking it's a sausage fest in here, fuqq the shower today, and get ur ass back to the office... I turn to open my locker and who the fuqq is in front of me...BLUE....his old 87 yr old ass butt ass naked eating an apple.... R U FUQQIN SERIOUS MAN! Fuqq my life....
I'm ok with a little male locker room chat but dammit don't have ur sack out asking me about AIG and the bailout....I'm not going to answer......Fellas get it together...I'm bout to invest in my boys bowflex or something...if it's like this during the winter, summer time going to be an all cockfest, and I'm giving my ticket back :-( Fuqq working out
Immediately I know this is going to be a long hour.......
Anyway, I get to an open locker, change and head out to begin my workout....
I walk over to the treadmill.....got to get the heartbeat elevated and burn off a few calories to warm up.....I look over and Mr. I'm not ghey is on the elliptical machine.... now normally I guess that's cool... but something just seemed wrong.. He didn't seem to be focused.... his attention was off to the left... I continue running a little while longer and I see Mr. I'm obese but I'm trying working with the personal trainer... YEAH MAN, good for you. I salute you... Ok so cardio is done, and I walk over to begin my upper body workout... arms, back, chest, etc....Mr. Obese gets off the exercise mat, damn near in tears....(this could be interesting) he's exhausted I mean...She works hard for the money, flash dance soundtrack type of exhausted...His trainer who just happens to be 1/8 of his size and looks like she hasn't eaten a carb in 6 years says.... come on SUCK it up....at that EXACT moment...Mr. I'm not ghey pops out of no where like the butler on Mr. Deeds.... Just watching this Bammas crouch.....LOL! So I move to the next set of equipment, times goes on....and my workout is now done, I'm heading back to the locker room.... As soon as I walk in... Mr Obese Walks in about 2 mins behind me. then it happens... this nygga begins to get fully undressed and just walk around...weighing himself... he gets off the scale and proceed to take his fat ass in the Sauna (still naked) followed by ...........you guessed it......Mr. I'm not ghey....:-/ so by now, I’m thinking it's a sausage fest in here, fuqq the shower today, and get ur ass back to the office... I turn to open my locker and who the fuqq is in front of me...BLUE....his old 87 yr old ass butt ass naked eating an apple.... R U FUQQIN SERIOUS MAN! Fuqq my life....
I'm ok with a little male locker room chat but dammit don't have ur sack out asking me about AIG and the bailout....I'm not going to answer......Fellas get it together...I'm bout to invest in my boys bowflex or something...if it's like this during the winter, summer time going to be an all cockfest, and I'm giving my ticket back :-( Fuqq working out
Friday, November 14, 2008
Classic Mack Lines & The Fuqqery They Established...
I decided to do something a little different with this week's fuqqery digest by giving you all an opportunity to weigh in and give some of your classic mack lines. I must say the fellas went all out with this shyt while my female counterparts played coy as fuqqin usual...we will now compile the list and give a brief analysis of each.
Did you fart? Cause you blow me away
"Do you like me? Circle yes or no"
Wsup baby? I know you have to be tired, cuz you’ve been running thru my mind all day
"Hey Girl / Sweetheart / Lightskin!"
"Can I have a chance?"
"Psssst"
"You keep staring....would your man like that if he knew?"
"Can I have your pussy?"
"Sorry, I thought you were mature enough to handle adult situations...."
"I'm not looking for anything serious"
"What else you got?"
"Where your friends at?"
"I've never done this before..." <=== 1 of my favs
"What makes you any different than the next chick??"
"Let me come thru and rub your feet"
"Yea, I can cook" <=== another classic
If its grass on the field let's play ball
Did you fart? Cause you blow me away
"Do you like me? Circle yes or no"
Wsup baby? I know you have to be tired, cuz you’ve been running thru my mind all day
"Hey Girl / Sweetheart / Lightskin!"
"Can I have a chance?"
"Psssst"
"You keep staring....would your man like that if he knew?"
"Can I have your pussy?"
"Sorry, I thought you were mature enough to handle adult situations...."
"I'm not looking for anything serious"
"What else you got?"
"Where your friends at?"
"I've never done this before..." <=== 1 of my favs
"What makes you any different than the next chick??"
"Let me come thru and rub your feet"
"Yea, I can cook" <=== another classic
If its grass on the field let's play ball
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Almost Foreclosed Fuqqery
This is gonna be a violent outburst type of post...I gotta get it off my mind though....Folks, Homeownership is great, I swear it is... But gott dammit, don't buy no house and live in that bytch for a little over a year and not have NO FURNITURE!! If you a grown ass man, I mean like 38ish you should have something in your living room, and kitchen....I personally like chinet, and the hood red cups from costco in a pack of like 6000, because I'm not washin no fuqqin dishes when the boys come over.. but dammit...NOTHING in ur living room. NOTHING, not even a airwick plug-in nygga.. come on! There's nothing u can tell me to make believe you doin it up nygga.. NOTHING! then send me pics from the party I missed and there's still no furniture, nygga didn't u have a housewarming, damn man....LOL! (maybe I'm not a true friend) this nygga don't have internet access let alone a damn computer to read this so i'm not worried, lol....
For all of my other friends that took time to get a futon, or a shelf system from ikea I salute you, cuz this nygga is awful....
My Name is Bruce Wayne & I Approved this message!
For all of my other friends that took time to get a futon, or a shelf system from ikea I salute you, cuz this nygga is awful....
My Name is Bruce Wayne & I Approved this message!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Day After The Election
WOW! We fuqqin did it! I'm a proud black man today. I witnessed history in the making yesterday...The long lines at the polls, the stories told by our seniors and otheer people who were alive back in the day of Jim Crow and segregation all inspired me today.. Yesterday and the next 4 years are a part of history no one can take from us. And with that said on to the fuqqery.....
BLACK PEOPLE! WTF! Last Night Fox 5 gave us a chance to show our delight in the election decision and what did we do...FUQQ IT UP! I ain't never seen so many skinny jeans, obama t-shirts, or big girls modeling on the runway of U street than last night.. although it was good that we won, I had to cut it off just because I was scared someone was gonna do some dumb shyt... the funny part is I wonder how many of the coons on tv actually voted yesterday. It's ok to be proud people, but don't give anyone a reason to think we put a NIGGER in the white house. Savor the moment and show why America made the right decision by showing all black people aren't coons. We don't have to sambo or soft shoe just because we've achieved another level of success.
There were soo many happy people on the train this am, with only a few tight faces. To the people with the tight faces it's ok to be dissappointed, Black folks have been dissappointed in your decisions for YEARS! We have most of the same needs and desires as you do. So when you see a black person smiling today don't be down, smile at that person and say "Can you teach me some moves?" LMAO! LMAO!
PEACE!!!
BLACK PEOPLE! WTF! Last Night Fox 5 gave us a chance to show our delight in the election decision and what did we do...FUQQ IT UP! I ain't never seen so many skinny jeans, obama t-shirts, or big girls modeling on the runway of U street than last night.. although it was good that we won, I had to cut it off just because I was scared someone was gonna do some dumb shyt... the funny part is I wonder how many of the coons on tv actually voted yesterday. It's ok to be proud people, but don't give anyone a reason to think we put a NIGGER in the white house. Savor the moment and show why America made the right decision by showing all black people aren't coons. We don't have to sambo or soft shoe just because we've achieved another level of success.
There were soo many happy people on the train this am, with only a few tight faces. To the people with the tight faces it's ok to be dissappointed, Black folks have been dissappointed in your decisions for YEARS! We have most of the same needs and desires as you do. So when you see a black person smiling today don't be down, smile at that person and say "Can you teach me some moves?" LMAO! LMAO!
PEACE!!!
Monday, November 3, 2008
Day Before Election
Well, I'm posting today the day before I know if I'm gonna be a proud black man or a nygga for the next 4 years. Whatever the case is....I'm gonna be out there tomorrow morning Barackin the vote. Please lawd don't let them coons do no BS. there is no way that Mccain & Palin should win.... Wait...this broad got pranked called the other day...
How in the hell can u be that damn dumb? MAVVVVVVERICK! LOL! I'm gonna hope for the best because if Mccain is in office this Jan, I know damn well, I'm bout to be driving a moped because of oil independence! Speaking of Gas, I filled up yesterday for $30, I haven't done that since like 2006. YAY for me right? Ok, I'll be back later.....
How in the hell can u be that damn dumb? MAVVVVVVERICK! LOL! I'm gonna hope for the best because if Mccain is in office this Jan, I know damn well, I'm bout to be driving a moped because of oil independence! Speaking of Gas, I filled up yesterday for $30, I haven't done that since like 2006. YAY for me right? Ok, I'll be back later.....
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Hello...Is it Me Your Looking For?
Well Dammit, I'm back! I've been gone for a little while, you know the dude got a good gov't job, so the month of Sept was pretty hectic. Anyway, I'm back and in my time away I've encountered many a fuqqatorious event! I'm not gonna spend today posting all the nonsense I see on the daily, but I just wanted to leave a small message about me coming back, and promising not to leave you all without my witty banter anymore. I will post atleast once a week, I REPEAT I will post once a week. With that being said I'll be back later with this weeks ungodly post.
Be Eazy....Bruce
Be Eazy....Bruce
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